You're always affected by your first love. If you fall in love with the ocean--the sound, the smell, the stormy peaks, and your pumping heart as you fall head over heels on your first attempt to catch a wave--you're gone.
Porcelain Eyes
Ballet
Most ballerinas wear out two to three pairs of pointe shoes per week.
The orchestra raged into madness. Violins screeched, the piano thundered, and flutes cried in shrill malevolence. The dancer could feel a pool of blood drop lethargically from her toes. Pain devoured the girl. She kept dancing. Fouette, fouette, pas se ciseaux, hold. And then silence. “Again,” Ms. Anjelica cooed coldly. The ballerina’s warm yellow eyes imitated dainty porcelain. It was clear she yearned to cry. The girl, however, trapped the salt water behind her glass eyes. Once again the grueling music emerged. The dancer shifted all her weight to her battered toes and started to pirouette. “If only I were lighter,” the girl though, “Maybe this wouldn’t hurt so much.”
Aging
“There is a place like no place on earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.”- Alice in Wonderland
If you could disappear to Wonderland would you? Would you abandon every known item, leaving a familiar world behind? Would you desert your family for a taste of magic? I think… I think I would. I abhor grey routine. I despise colorless winter. To me, night consists of staring longingly at my window, hoping desperately that Peter Pan will swoop into my room. I want to cast away, travel through incoherent time, and fully entangle my life in that untouchable foreign web. But Neverneverland does not exist, and Wonderland is not real. Still, there must be something more than this doomingly drab reality. Grey is not stunning.
Icicles
Johnny sat silently on his drive way as snow burst in despair around him. A secluded towel saved Johnny from indecency. His fists were white from grasping ferociously at the edges of the towel, which was once used to shield Johnny’s feet from scorching sand. Lost in summer moments, Johnny gazed at the cackling trees in reverie as they reached for him. The frigid air slapped Johnny, snapping him away from his past. When the cruel wind whispered chaotic poetry into Johnny’s year, a glistening tear dropped to the ground, and hid in the icy snow. “I should have known she was depressed.”
Physics
Scientists create computer-animated simulations to figure out possible outcomes. There are three times as many simulation persons then there are actual people. Some people believe that simulations have the possibility to become so complex that simulations will have their own thoughts and believe that they are real. If this is possible in the future, who is to say its not happening now? Who is to say that we are not merely simulations reacting to a scientist’s experiment? It is more than likely that you and I do not really exist. Is this upsetting? If we are not real, then neither is death. Our actions have no repercussions because we aren’t really hurting anyone. Then again, if simulations have thoughts then why aren’t they real? What defines truth? If both ‘real’ people and simulations have thoughts and morals, than the only differentiation is the creator. God verses science. That debate will never end.
Ballet
By 17, only 3 out of 10 girls have not been on a diet.
Duplicates of her petite body whirled gracefully in the surrounding mirrors. As the dancer spun, she glared at her floating skirt, which pranced aesthetically around her waist. Envy struck when the ballerina realized she would never be as weightless or as lithe as the clothes that possessed her. Desire for a perfect choreography drowned the girl. She longed for a number so saturated with elegance and whimsical allure that the spectators would ache with jealousy. The dancer did not believe in love. Nor did she believe in pain. The girl’s only God was beauty, and she spent eternity trying to epitomize it. The ballerina’s neck was forked, sharpened by years of emptiness. Her legs were as delicate and as miniscule as twigs. Although they appeared as if they could snap with any movement, the dancer’s legs could stretch infinitely. Every bone in the dancer’s body was jagged, and every limb in the dancer’s body was boundless. The ballerina examined herself, unsatisfied, in the mirrors. Fury gripped the girl. “Why can’t I be lovely? If I’m not lovely, my talent will be useless.” The ballerina’s thoughts cut into her brain like 1,000 shattered fragments of glass. The girl ran to the bathroom, forced a pointer finger down her throat, and hurled water and coffee into the toilette.
Aging
“There is a saying in Neverneverland that every time you breath a grownup dies.” –Peter Pan
Every minute 108 people die. Out of those 108 people, about 48 are under the age of 30.
“Every man dies—not every man lives.”- Unknown
If you knew you were going to die before age 30 would you live differently? The average college bound student will work ravenously in high school to attend a college. They will then work vigorously in college, so that they can work greedily in a cubicle. At around 68, they will retire. And at around 80 they will die. The average college bound student will waste 68 years, in order to assure a comfortable 12 remaining years. Why do we ignore the present, and love only what is just out of reach? Why do we always want something more?
“You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than the other girls.”- Peter Pan
Icicles
The whirl of white had dispersed. Only heavy, grey clouds and pointed icicles remained. A surge of anger charged through Johnny, forcing him to hurl a snowball at the dangling icicles. They shattered as they fell and lay perfectly arranged in the snow, refusing to sparkle in the hidden sun. Johnny stared at the spiked corners and then to the building where the icicles used to live. It was an ancient, deserted house. Johnny remembered painting it, but delicate lines had long since cracked the walls. He wanted to go inside, but Johnny knew that if he ventured into the walls, he would never escape his memory.
Physics
Scientists study elementry particles. In one study, Geoffry Chew and Steven Frautschi noticed that a particle, the size of a piece of hair, flickered in and out of existence. This raised the question, ‘where do the particles go?’ The experiment developed an ideal called “string theory.” This theory is the idea of alternate universes. Since Geoffry Chew’s and Steven Frautschi’s work, countless experiments have alluded to alternate universes. I find it impossible to wrap my mind around string theory. If there are alternate universes, than that means something exists in the same time and space that I exist in, but I am unable to feel or see it.
Ballet
“The purpose of art is higher than art. What we are really interested in are masterpieces of humanity”- Alonzo King
Nervous rumbles bounced excitedly in the dancer’s stomach. She stood statuesque in the wings, waiting for a lingering note to seize. Finally, silence abounded. In the darkness, the ballerina tiptoed proudly to the middle of the stage. A glowing ‘x’ made of tape marked her spot. A calm smile spread passionately across the dancer’s countenance. Her once porcelain eyes transformed into fiery sparks, glistening under the stage lights. The ballerina surrendered herself to the orchestra as mingled notes started to carry her across the stage. The dancer had spent months in misery for this uncontrollable high. In this moment, in this minute and a half, the ballerina was finally engulfed in bliss. Fouette, fouette, pas de ciseaux, hold. The music stopped. The air fell. The audience cheered cruelly. The smile faded. Once again, the dancer succumbed to anguish. Then blackness.
Aging
“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!”- Alice in Wonderland.
They say that every seven years, each cell in our body is completely regenerated. Biologically, we are totally different people.
“People don’t change”
I can often find my mother examining her wrinkled skin in the mirror. She takes her slight fingers, lean from year of piano, and pulls back the pale flesh from her icy eyes. Whenever I stumble upon her, she looks at me with a nostalgic sigh, and longs for my taut face. In her day, my mother was beautiful. However, each year, pieces of my mother’s glory are replaced with spider veins, and silver hairs. Every day my mother stares at these imperfections, yearning to halt time. She doesn’t even notice her stunning eyes, which shift from blue to green, to grey, and back.
“Change is the only constant in science.”
Icicles
Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year.
Suddenly, an icicle flung to the ground like a dagger, pinning a piece of paper in its wrath. Jonny reached for the note and freed it from the icicle. Ink bled through the paper, swirling words together in an incoherent mess. Flash backs of black cursive abducted Johnny’s mind; “I’m sorry. There’s nothing you could have done. I’ve never understood the point of it all. Happiness is not a lasting emotion; it’s a secluded moment. But I hate the in between more then I love the laughter.” Johnny froze. Emptiness poured into stomach. He was too tired to feel. Johnny sprawled out on the white ground and tried to sleep. “Please dreams,” Johnny cried desperately, “take me away.”
Physics
Some physicists believe that humans are unable to decipher what they don’t believe in. Humans match patterns that already exist in their minds. Potentially, there could be thousands of invisible items around us that stay hidden due to closed minded disbelief. Legend has it that when Columbus’ ships approached, the Native Americans were unable to see the boats even though they existed on the horizon. The reason they were unable to see the ships was because Native Americans had no prior knowledge that boats existed. The Shaman saw ripples in the water, but could not see the ships. Wondering about the ocean’s ripples, the Shaman watched the sea everyday. Eventually, he was able to see the ships. When the Shaman told his people that there were ships on the water, the people suddenly were able to see the boats because they trusted the Shaman. Maybe Neverneverland is real.
Ballet
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”- Confucius
The waiter slid a hamburger and a plate of fries to the girl. Her hair was plastered into a stiff bun that reeked of hairspray and sweat. “You a dancer?” the waiter mused. The girl was silent. Her skull was shaking with clouded memories. She had been to this diner before. The last time she was here, the girl split her meal into tiny pieces and then left the slaughtered burger for the waiter. This time, however, the girl’s control was withering. The aroma of fries teased her more than usual. Her stomach grumbled with lust at the burger. “You sound hungry,” the waiter said knowingly, “eat up!” The girl was silent. She stared longingly at the plate, and then at the waiter. His face was composed of a crooked smile and contemplative blue eyes. The girl wondered how old the waiter was. His body said he was 18, but some unidentifiable vibe left the girl to believe that the waiter was older. “May I have some silverware?” the girl asked. The boy’s cocky smirk faded into a grimace. “No.” He spoke firmly. The girl was silent. Her hands shook, as she lifted the burger. Tears glided smoothly down the girl’s cheek. Slowly, the girl pressed the meat to her lips. Chew, chew, swallow, hold. “Again,” pushed the boy gently. The girl took another bite. A smile lit up her eyes. She was beautiful.
Aging
“All children except one grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for her Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.”-Peter Pan
In the graveyard by my house there are 27 graves. When I was younger, and did not understand death, or caskets, I would frolic behind the tombs. My sister, brother, and I burst in barbaric laughter at the dainty roses placed on one of the fresher graves. Sometimes, when the wind whirled, we would rip apart the flowers, and free their petals into the churning air. I remember the red leaves spinning ravenously around my sister. She raised her arms to the air, and started to twirl. We don’t do this anymore. What once was cute in all its lively irony is now cruel.
Now, instead of smiling at the graves, we weep. Instead of ripping up the roses, we place them gently near our favorite epitaph. “Loving brother and son.” He was too young. He never had the chance to experience life. He never had the chance to grow wrinkles and worried eyes. He never had the chance to go to college, or to work, or to retire. He never had the chance to settle down. He never had the chance to do all the things we wish away.
My mom rationalizes this cruelty by claiming that David is forever young. When I was nine, she told me “He’s like Peter Pan. You’ll move on from this angelic phase, but he will always stay the same.” She believes his confident spirit will dance around the universe eternally. When my taut skin is invaded with wrinkles, and I finally relinquish my naïve desire for adventure, David’s eyes will still be youthful. And when I surrender my ashes to the growth of roses and glide peacefully on the wind, David will be dancing on my grave throwing petals in the air. He will not weep. He doesn’t understand death. All he sees in the graveyard is beauty.
“All children except one grow up.”
Icicles
“Nature never worries. Atom by atom, little by little she achieves her work.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A sultry high note echoed in the distance waking Johnny. Sun inflicted Johnny’s vision as he tried to decipher where the melody was springing. Thoughtless, Johnny abandoned his snowy towel and followed her voice. His dazed journey ended in their room. Pictures of Johnny and her were plastered on the wall. Smiles appeared in every photo, but now that Johnny examined the pictures closely, he could see despair lurking behind the delightful façade. Wind drifted through the open window, causing Johnny to admire the snowy landscape beyond his reach. An icicle hung daintily, bestowing rainbow glints to the empty air.
Physics
“I think physicists are the Peter Pans of the human race. They never grow up and they keep their curiosity.”-Isidor Isaac Rabi
Everyone conceives reality differently. It may be that there is an observer-matter inter relationship that connects what goes on inside (in the brain, in the nervous system, in the nature of observations, in the memories) with true reality. This inter relationship does not literally change true reality, but how we perceive reality, and therefore changes our own personal reality. The brain processed infinite information every second, but we are only aware of 20% of this information. This shows that there is more to the world than we perceive. We know nothing of reality. Reality is filtered through our sense organs, giving each person a personal reality, but no person a true reality. We create the affects of reality and therefore we create our own universes. The human brain is unaware of the difference between what takes place outside of the body and what takes place in the brain’s thoughts. Our own imagination determines the radiance of the world around us. We each find separate items sublime. Some find grace in ballet. Others find it in wonderland. Some desire the delicate allure of an icicle, and others find the intricacies of the universe remarkable. Everything we see, everything the eyes ponder, are interpreted and molded into pulchritude by our minds. It is possible that there is no “out there” and that everything we believe in is actually created by our thoughts. If this is true, than every individual can discover beauty.
